Avoid these phrases when someone passes away.
It can be challenging to know what to say when someone dies.
Often, we tiptoe around directly addressing the death or say nothing at all.
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Here are their suggestions.
“Acknowledge that what they’re going throughright nowis very painful,” suggests Soffer.
Don’t gloss over their feelingslet them have the chance to grieve fully and without judgment.
Sample phrases to say:
Phrase to Avoid: “How are you doing?”
Focus on the Griever
Focus on the person who is experiencing pain at that moment.
Phrase to Avoid: “They’re in a better place.”
This phrase can also seem to de-emphasize the pain the bereaved feels in the moment.
The person is still gone and not with themand that’s what is hard about loss.
No task is too small, and your efforts will be appreciated.
Though the intention is admirable, receiving multiple vague offers of support can be overwhelming for the person grieving.
Help someone grieving focus on the memories by asking specific questions about their loved one.
But to the bereaved, it can sound like you’re suggesting a loved one is replaceable.
Show Empathy
Approaching the bereavedwith empathyis a great way to comfort them.
Be sure not to compare your feelings to theirs, though.
Brennan always recommends giving the person a chance to identify how they feel rather than speaking for them.
Phrase to Avoid: “I know how you feel.”
Though everyone will at some time experience loss, it is an overwhelmingly personal experience.
This is true even among family and relatives.
This way, the grieving person feels supported.
Phrase to Avoid: “This all happens eventually.”
This phrase is often tossed around when people lose their parents, Brennan notes.
Tie your memorials for the deceased to your actual knowledge base.
Phrase to Avoid: “They would have wanted it this way.”
Unless the person planned their funeral, there is no way to know about their preferences.
It’s best to express your desires without assuming they align with the recently passed individual’s wishes.
It is comforting to acknowledge that each moment without them is difficult.
Phrase to Avoid: “You’re handling this better than I expected.”
It’s impossible to know how a person is truly feeling.
“They might just be putting on a happy face,” says Brennan.
Your surprise might reinforce the idea that they shouldn’t be suffering the loss of a loved one.
Offer a Listening Ear
Offering your support often goes a long way.
Remind them to lean on you and continue to do so well after the funeral.
Phrase to Avoid: “You’re strong and will get through this.”
It’s OK for them to pull strength from others and rely on their support.
Saying such a phrase may even imply they need to rush their grief process and length.
It doesn’t have to be a heartfelt moment, either; any positive memory will do.
Phrase to Avoid: Saying nothing.
Saying nothing to the bereaved is probably the worst thing you’re free to do.
