Then check out their advice on a variety of social quandariesincluding how to deal with delicate mother-in-law situationsbelow.
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I thanked him earnestly before I gently told him about the other necklace.
Photo:Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush Hager
He was surprised but gracious and loving, and he said I could pick something else.
Turns out, our children were upset that I didnt accept his necklace with pleasure.
They said its the thought that counts.
Did I look a gift horse in the mouth?
JENNY BUSH HAGER:I think honesty and transparency are what matter in relationships.
It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page and doing it right.
But I do think there are nuances withgift giving, and thats also a good lesson to teach.
Your kids are watching that play out in this case.
And its wonderful that they can watch the two of you have a grown-up conversation about it.
He doesnt sound upset.
Take him at his word.
JBH:Youre teaching the kids that in open, loving relationships, its OK to just be honest.
Maybe focus on that aspect and feel good about the line hes trying to walk.
However, I find it difficult to be around her.
Shes not a happy or open-minded person.
Do you have any advice?
JBH:When you get married, you also marry that persons family.
And in my opinion, theres a level of respect and kindness that goes to their family too.
It can be tricky, so maybe consider seeing a therapist, alone or with your husband.
Also, have a conversation with him about boundaries.
You dont have to move in with her.
Theres a middle ground of support and contact but not 24/7 commitment.
check that theres designated time for your mother-in-law so she feels seen and loved and included.
You could set a day once a week where you meet for dinner.
But if there are boundary issues, talk to your husband.
I do think that children should help take care of their mothers, so I understand that.
JBH:Remember, everything hes doing for his mother is indicative of how hes going to treat you.
Maybe focus on that aspect and feel good about the line hes trying to walk.
I put it on my calendar.
I look forward to catching up.
She doesnt suggest an alternative date.
JBH:You gotta let it drop.
I think in deep, great friendships, you have to allow for some flexibility.
It isnt a reflection of you or your friendship.
I honestly think its a reflection of somebody whos overscheduled.
HK:Yes, she probably doesnt get a break.
She also might feel guilty that shes canceled on you so many times.
Show her some grace.
Shell probably appreciate it more than youll ever know.
Might I suggest a nanny?
HK:Dont suggest the nanny.
How you spend your time, and whether you help them out, is yours.
you could say something like I have a pretty full schedule.
you should probably communicate because nobody knows your boundaries.
JBH:Maybe ask for help from that same person so it becomes more of a reciprocal thing.
Ask them to handle school pickup one day so you’re able to do something else.
If they say no, there you have it.
HK:Yes, good idea.
The next time they ask, you ask for a favor back.
JBH:make a run at level up the relationship yourself.
Failing that, its OK to say no.
Even if youre busy, there are always ways to reciprocate if you really want to.
Have an Etiquette Question?
Email Jenna and Hoda at modernmanners@realsimple.com.
