These two have been dishing out honest, heartfelt advice on air for years.
Want their advice on how to deal with a sticky social situation?
We want to keep it positive.
Photo:Courtesy of Peter Kramer
I feel like the person closest to her should say something.
You have to have an honest conversation.
JENNA BUSH HAGER:I agree.
Do you feel like you’re able to be part of that?
If so, hey stay, and if not, we totally get it.
I envisioned these visits as quality time with the children and my brother.
While I dont mind helping out, I feel like Im only there so he can scroll through Instagram.
JBH:If I were you, I would call your brother and have a courageous conversation.
Say, I want this time to be for both of us to hang with the kids and play.
If thats not what you want, I need your expectations to be clear.
If you want me to babysit solo, then that should be said.
For me, it would be even more fulfilling if we were in it together.
Your kids are learning about brother-sister dynamics from us because they absorb what they see.
My kids watch me and my sister, and they think, Thats what sisters do.
They can argue a little bit.
But if one of the people is otherwise engaged, whats the point?
Someone inevitably says they can only come for two nights, and Im wondering how to handle the expenses.
Does the person leaving early still pay for the third night?
Do the people staying eat the cost?
Id appreciate your advice!
JBH:First of all, good for you for being the planner of your group.
As a planner, I know it isnt always easy, and I commend you.
Second, I think its up to you to create this boundary.
Ideally, everyone splits the full cost.
You should say, Im so sorry you’ve got the option to only come for two nights.
Were still splitting the home between all of us.
HK:I agree.
I always send themgifts for their birthdays and Christmas.
I know money isnt an issue for them.
My child doesnt need anything but has said its hurtful that they never reciprocate.
The holidays were the last straw: My nephews wife sent me an Amazon wish list for the kids.
My childs birthday was around the same time, and no gift or card was sent.
Am I being too sensitive?
HK:No, youre not being too sensitive.
Some peopleslove language is receiving giftsand not necessarily giving them.
However, shes sending Amazon links and wish lists with Mickey Mouse ears, and thats a bit much.
I think you could say, Got your list!
So you dont have to worry about asking, heres my childs list.
JBH:I feel like if her love language is gifts, then yes, I would do that.
I would say, Have a wonderful time on your trip.
Here are the Mickey Mouse ears youve been desiring.
And Id like you to see my childs list for this year too.
Thats the way she communicates.
If she doesnt send anything, then thats it.
Have an Etiquette Question?
Email your questions to Hoda and Jenna at modernmanners@realsimple.com.
