Here’s what setting healthy boundaries means and how to do so for your mental health.
For the most part, these borders are not visible in real life.
Unlike a map, there aren’t literal, physical barriers between ourselves and other people.
Unfortunately, healthy personal boundaries can be pretty nebulous to identify and even trickier to set.
Most of us never learned how to set boundaries, avoidtoxic relationships, or foster healthy connections.
What Are Boundaries?
People talk about “setting boundaries” all the time, but what does that mean?
According to Dr. Magavi, people who live with anxiety or depression may struggle with creating and maintaining boundaries.
These aspects are common when people establish healthy boundaries.
This often involves using verbal strategies.
“The fact of the matter is, a good boundary is an explanation in and of itself.
‘I’m quite sorry, but I cannot commit to working on that project over the weekend.
I appreciate you thinking of me and having confidence in me, but not this time!’
is a perfectly adequate response,” adds Flint.
However, this could lead to burnout and passive-aggression."
Otherwise, how will others know your preferences?
Here’s why boundary setting is so important.
“When our emotional boundaries are respected, we feel valued, honored, and safe.
Boundaries can be healing; boundaries can help one not feel taken advantage of,” Magavi adds.
Here are some strategies and examples from our experts to help you get started.
Think through what you need or want to accomplish by setting boundaries.
Use your personal values as a guide.
Understand that different relationships require different boundaries.
According to Manly, boundaries are often very different depending on the situation and the people involved.
For example, you may have very flexible boundaries with an intimate partner.
And when it comes to family members, the nature of healthy boundaries depends on the overall family dynamics.
“If family members are respectful and considerate, boundaries may be far more flexible in nature.”
Evaluate your relationships.
Boundaries are often trial-and-error as we start.
Realize that setting boundaries takes practice and patience.
For some people, even thinking about setting boundaries can trigger anxiety.
Speak up (respectfully).
But don’t be surprised if your issues with a person don’t disappear after addressing them once.
“It may be necessary to reiterate information,” Dr. Magavi explains.
Boundaries are about protecting your peace; they are not about changing someone else.
Pay attention to relationship changes, and walk away if needed.
Manly says that some may even continue to disrespect your boundaries.
“Others may be unwilling to accept and honor the ‘new you.’
Sometimes, the wisest move is to distance yourself from those who choose not to respect your boundaries.”
It helps you develop trust and confidence in yourself.
“This practice leads to a deeper understanding of your needs and cultivates a stronger sense of self-worth.
It improves emotional regulation.
“What brings you joy?
What is OK, or not OK?
This self-awareness gives you clarity in life, love, and beyond.”
And it can be practiced anywhere, even in situations where you don’t think emotional regulation is necessary.
When you do so, you’re making an intentional choice not to waste energy.
“This helps you choose activities that align with what truly brings you happiness,” Aramyan explains.
It allows you to identify healthy relationships.
It decreases the chances of burnout.
“Its not uncommon for people to put the needs of others before their own,” she says.
“This might seem harmless, but over time can lead to a host of problems, including burnout.
