Here at REAL SIMPLE, we love advice from a multihyphenate woman about how she gets it all done.
The gist: None of us are really allowed to get old.
So whats the woman whos beenthesymbol of beauty for generations doing about it?
Photo:THOMAS WHITESIDE, WARDROBE STYLING: SOLANGE FRANKLIN, HAIR: TIM NOLAN, MAKEUP: MARK DE LOS REYES, MANICURE: JAZZ STYLE
Skipping the major procedures, for one.
Being kind to herself, for another.
And fashioning herself as a new kind of symbolone of aging unapologetically.
LAUREN IANNOTTI:Can you explain the title of the book and why its so resonant?
Because its so resonant.
BROOKE SHIELDS:Its something Ive felt for a long time.
By virtue of that fact, Im a disappointment as an older person.
Not too long ago, a gentleman and I were speaking about years of wine vintages.
And I thought,Wow.He wasnt being mean; it was just his honest reaction.
Thomas Whiteside
And while Im not comparing myself to the likes of Marilyn Monroe, she died as Marilyn Monroe.
Theres something that happens to the human psyche with a face weve gotten attached to for some reason.
LI:That seems like the extreme version of what we all go through.
THOMAS WHITESIDE, WARDROBE STYLING: SOLANGE FRANKLIN, HAIR: TIM NOLAN, MAKEUP: MARK DE LOS REYES, MANICURE: JAZZ STYLE
Were not allowed to just grow and experience our life and be OK with it.
LI:Whats your hope for the book?
BS:I hope it opens up a conversation about what the ideals are and what beauty really means.
Beauty can come in different forms.
It doesnt have to be associated with youth.
Because all the women I know over 40 are extraordinary, and theyve had unbelievable experiences.
Good, bad, all of it.
LI:We hear a lot about aging naturally as a trend.
Your thoughts on that?
But the fact that Im 59 and Im called aged doesnt feel right to me.
BS:I also think its rebellious.
All of a sudden everybodys got a lot to say about Pamela Anderson without any makeup on.
OK, so shes not wearing makeup.
Its so interesting that its considered edgy.
Self-improvement, no matter what that means to you, is great.
Im all for it.
I look at my two girlseverythings higher and tighter and smoother.
How do you talk to them about beauty?
So Im allowed that; its my prerogative.
But it has to have a caveat.
I tell them that beauty means different things to different people and different cultures.
And its not all you are.
It is a piece and part of your individuality.
Of course, we have a culture which homogenizes.
I was called the face of a decade.
Who the hell decides that?
A particular face gets stamped with this?
Whatever it is, its ridiculous.
LI:Its a singular kind of pressure.
BS:It is.
How come you dont look more like your mother?
Your mother used to be the most beautiful person in the world!
So now youve told my daughter shes not pretty because she doesnt look like this person.
And youre telling me Im no longer pretty because I dont look like what I used to look like.
Thats just f**ked up in every possible way.
LI:Your youngest wants to be a model.
How do you feel about that?
BS:I fought it for so many years because she was just too young.
And then when she turned 18, I said, OK, look.
I cant say no at this point, because youre starting to become your own person.
But heres the thing: Im not going to be your manager.
I dont know the industry now.
You want to walk in shows; I never walked in shows.
And you cant just want to be famous, and it cant just be to make money.
It has to come from a deeper place because its not fun.
Its hard and its thankless.
Shes a beautiful girl, but there are a lot of beautiful girls around.
LI:Its interesting that you say she was too young, considering you started modeling very young.
And your own mother was famously your manager.
BS:Yes, but Im not coming from a place of desperation.
My mother was too proud to accept alimony from my father.
She was in complete control, for better or worse.
So I told Grier, Im not going to fight this.
But you are going to learn what it really means to do this.
Youre going to learn how hard it is to be a model.
And her first job was with Bruce Weber in Montauk.
I brought her there, and they put her in this unbelievable, minuscule Zac Posen dress.
Im like, I dont know what to tell you.
She said, They already took pictures.
I said, Youre not done until he says youre done.
And when he says youre done, dont move a muscle.
Wait until his assistant takes the camera from him.
And she said, Im so tired.
And I said, Yeah, keep being tired!
Thomas Whiteside
LI:Thats some tough love.
I needed Grier to start speaking up for herself.
Shed be like, Can you call the agent?
And Id tell her, They dont want to hear from the mom.
They have to pick up my call because theyre afraid of me because Im famous.
But they dont really care about you as a kid.
And Im like, Oh, really?
So glad you do.
LI:So they all do that?
Im relieved to hear it.
Oh my God, we had no idea!
She was tall and gorgeous, but also polite.
She kept her wits about her.
Good job, Mom.
LI:What are the little ways you show your girls that you love them?
BS:Oh, I love writing little notes.
I love notes in hidden places.
I love knowing who their friends are and what their names are.
And thats getting so much harder because theyre in college, but it really matters to them.
And I constantly ask them about So-and-So, or how are So-and-Sos parents doing.
LI:Your girls obviously are very connected to each other, and even go to the same college!
Do you think theres anything you did to foster the closeness between them?
My older daughter couldnt wait to go and was immediately in Greek life and loved every minute of it.
My youngest had a really hard time separating from me.
And they fought unbelievably, since they were born.
Id walk by a room, and itd be like, She bit my head!
How do you even do that?
Or theyd be walking along, and one would just hip check the other.
Im like, I saw that!
And one would always say the thing to the other about something shes insecure about or mad about.
And theyd just go right in there and then smile when they twist the knife.
And Rowan was like, Lets do Wednesday.
I couldnt believe it.
LI:With Valentines Day coming, I want to talk a bit about love.
Whats your love language?
BS:Thats a tough one.
It used to be just kissing.
I love being around my husband and not talking to him.
But theres this comfort zone that you have.
You dont feel the pressure of having to be funny or smart or whatever.
Youre just in your time.
LI:Whats something about love that your 50-something self knows that maybe your 20- or 30-something self didnt?
No one can do it for you.
And if you search for that outside yourself, its a bit impoverished for you.
And its so hard to do.
LI:What are the ways you take a moment and show yourself some love?
LI:Do you think youve been able to override your inner critic with a nice inner cheerleader?
BS:I mean, listen, the inner critic is always going to have the first response.
But Im finding a sense of humor about myself.
I walk into rooms bigger than I used to.
Theres something empowering about that.
LI:And youre a CEO for the first time, in your late 50s!
Tell us about Commence.
BS:It began as a platform during Covid.
It grew very quickly, and what I realized was that people love beauty.
Every woman asked me about my hair, and my eyebrows, and how theyve changed throughout my life.
And so we created a line of hair care for women over 40, all plant-based.
The efficacy is amazing.
We need every ounce of testing.
Can you talk a bit about the value of that?
Dont qualify itwell lived, badly lived, whatever.
Just a life that was lived.
I look at my life as having dimension.
What I dont know about business or what I dont know about a startup or being a CEO?
Those are things I can learn.
LI:I wanted to ask you about the love between friends and how important that is to you.
BS:I would not be alive today without it.
There are different types of friendships.
Im going to a wedding this weekend, the daughter of one of my roommates from college.
And its those kinds of friendships that are the backbone of my experience, my fun.
Im on a group chat with my high school friends, and were always just laughing.
I also think its really important to have friends so its not all on your partner.
LI:Speaking of, youve now been married for 23 years.
Whats the beauty of enduring love?
What are the positives of being together for so long?
I may never fully feel that feeling of falling in love again.
It grows into something else.
I watch his behavior toward other people, and that thrills me.
I watch what kind of a dad he is.
I watch him make people laugh.
I watch him treat me in a way thats kind and funny and smart.
So its that kind of stuff.
I want to be old with him, but we have to keep growing.
And thats the toughest part of relationships, that you dont grow at the same rate.
Ive had to say things like I used to find that cute.
Now it hurts my feelings, and I dont know why, but I dont like it anymore.
What does he do with that information?
LI:The job descriptions change.
I remember saying to my husband, I have the babies now, so be careful.
I dont need you the same way I needed you before.
It sounds harsh, but theres something to that, the biology of where we are.
I have a friend who says, Im too cheap to get divorced!
But really, Im like,Do you really want to go through that?
Because your partners not as cute anymore?We cant go along disconnected either, because its not healthy.
So you have to be willing to stir the soup a little bit and keep adding something to it.
LI:And its very different once your kids have flown the coop.
LI:Our bodies are constantly replacing cells, and the structure of our brains changes in middle age.
Its almost like we become new people.
Do you feel like a new person at this stage in your life?
BS:I feel like more of a new person now than Ive ever felt.
Im still setting them, but Im a bit more in my own life and skin.
Im sitting with myself more.
I dont bore myself.
I think theres something to be said for this next third of our lives.
LI:Is there a next birthday youre looking forward to?
BS:My next big birthday is 60, this year.
Im not looking forward to it, because I havent identified what kind of celebration I want!
I dont want a big party.
Its just too much pressure.
And I thought that a year of celebration is a great idea.
And it can be anything you wanthowever you want to spend your time and with the people you choose.
LI:I love that too.
And happy 60th to you!
