Fair warning: You might just die of laughter.
Each October, the same mysterious communicable contagion ravishes wit-inclined wordsmiths.
The urge to make (often groan-inducing) Halloween puns.
Photo: Ana Celaya
By the end of the month, sufferers may be overcome with a full-blown Halloween pun infection.
Elaborate wordplay-inspired get-ups worn to a Halloween party (or just somelast-minute Halloween costumesjustified with puns).
But no need to fearthe ailment is relatively short-lived.
Ana Celaya
By November 1, all signs and symptoms miraculously clear up on their own.
But if you’re ready to enjoy a little Halloween pun, here are a few of our favorites.
Why did the ghost go to the bar?
Ana Celaya
What does the vegan zombie eat?
I have some skeleton puns too; they’re very humerus.
I have some vampire puns too, but they suck.
Ana Celaya
Tim Donnelly
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
What’s the favorite food of mathematicians?
What do you call an empty hot dog?
Ana Celaya
Where do ghosts learn to become pilots?
Why does an elevator make ghosts happy?
Because it lifts the spirits.
Ana Celaya
What’s a ghost’s favorite street?
What do you call a ghost who haunts small hotels?
Why did the vampire join the police force?
Ana Celaya
So he could learn how to get a stake out.
FromPuns Spooken Here: Word Play for Halloween, by Richard Lederer.
If you want peace on Halloween…
You should sign a trick or treaty.
Ana Celaya
Sam Zabell, amateur punslinger and Instagram calligrapher@samzawrites.
My wife/husband/partner died…
But (s)he’ll always be my boo.
Ana Celaya
You should dress up as a candle…
Because you’re wicked.
I’m only dressed as a wizard.
I can’t always get what I wand.
Ana Celaya
Southpaw Jones, Winner: Punniest of Show at the 2017 O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships.
What’ll a witch text if she’s running late?
Corinne Mucha/Real Simple
I’ll bewitch you in a minute.
Ana Celaya
How do you fix a broken jack o’lantern?
A pumpkin patch
What does a skeleton play in the band?
The trom-bone
What’s a witch’s favorite bang out of furniture?
Ana Celaya
Wicca
Where do all the ghosts shop?
Corinne Mucha/ Real Simple
A boo-tique
Why was the werewolf excited on Halloween?
It’s his favorite howl-iday.
Ana Celaya
Who should you always spend Halloween with?
Your ghoul-friends
What’s the proper thing to say before digging into Halloween candy?
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Ana Celaya
When the zombie and his ghoul-friend fell in love…
It was love at first bite.
What do witches order on vacation?
Ana Celaya
Broom service
What’s the phantom’s favorite Shakespeare play?
Romeo and Ghouliet
Why did the zombie miss trick-or-treating?
He was dead tired.
Ana Celaya
What’s a pumpkin’s pickup line?
Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
He had bat breath.
Corinne Mucha/Real Simple
Why did the demon join the gym?
He needed more exorcise.
What’s a witch’s favorite school subject?
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Spelling
How do you unlock a haunted house?
Why do ghosts love Mexican restaurants?
What’s a ghoul’s favorite game?
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Hide and shriek
How did the ghoul break up with the vampire?
She totally ghosted him.
What’s a monster’s second-favorite holiday?
Corinne Mucha/Real Simple
New Fear’s Eve
Where do spiders shop?
On the web
Why did the mummy visit the spa?
She needed to unwind.
Corinne Mucha/ Real Simple
What does a monster eat on Thanksgiving?
Grave-y
Why are bats good at improv?
They know how to wing it.
Corinne Mucha/Real Simple
Who does the genie celebrate Halloween with?
Three witches
What do you call a coven of witches?
Squad ghouls
Who throws the best Halloween parties?
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The ghostess with the mostest.
What happened when the ghost had too much to drink?
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He was three sheets to the wind.
Corinne Mucha/Real Simple
Why did the skeleton ask for the manager?
He had a real bone to pick.
What did you do when you read these Halloween puns?
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How do pumpkins greet each other?
Corinne Mucha/RS
Gourd morning or gourd fright
Whats a ghosts favorite dance move?
Shaking their boo-ty
How did the vampire know he was sick?
Corinne Mucha/Real Simple
He was coffin
Why did the ghost haunt the high school?
He loved the school spirit!
Why was the witch so hyped up?
Corinne Mucha/Real Simple
She was feeling hex-tra.
Where does Dracula have an account?
The blood bank
Why are skeletons so mad?
Corinne Mucha/Real Simple
Their noses are out of joint.
How does Jekyll say goodbye?
Whats a vampires second favorite holiday?
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Fangsgiving
Why is the cemetery the hottest place in town?
Everyones dying to get in there.
Henry Pun-Off World Championships.
Corinne Mucha/Real Simple
So what do we do?
Take the edge off with a little humor.
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