Talking with strangers can be awkward, stilted, and mildly painful.
But there is an art to it, and itcanbe mastered.
“And I listen to a lot of NPR,” he adds.
Photo: ugene Mymrin/Getty Images
After all, what is small talk but an ability to talk about current events and superficial topics?
Slow down introductions to make it easier for your brain to process information.
If someone has a name you’re not familiar with, take time to learn it, advises Fine.
“Don’t just move on,” she says.
“Say, ‘I’m sorry.
Let me try that.
Did I get it right?'”
Similarly, if someone mumbles, suggests Fowler, “say, ‘Would you kindly repeat your name?’
And when you speak your own name, do so clearly.”
If you forget a name, discreetly ask a third party for help or listen for it in conversation.
If all else fails, come clean.
“Don’t panic, and don’t feel awful,” says etiquette expert Peggy Post.
“Just say, ‘I can’t believe it.
I’ve just drawn a blank.’
It’s such a normal, widespread, human happening that most people will understand.”
“Embellish your response,” says Carducci.
“Say, ‘I’m an accountant, but I don’t cook the books.'”
“Now they know that you have kids and have been to Italy.”
That means coming up with good questions, like what their favorite hobbies are or their favorite vacation destination.
Filippini says, “I’ll ask if they’ve seen a particular exhibit or play.”
Questions can also be utterly superficialto begin with.
“I always ask about someone’s shoes orjewelry,” says Fowler.
“Both make statements about a person.
If you put in a complicated question, you’re going to get a simple answer out.
If I ask you, ‘Were you terrified?’
‘Were you angry?’
‘Yes, I was very angry.’
Let them describe it.
They’re the ones that know.
Try asking them things like, ‘What was that like?’
‘How did that feel?’
“It’s something you share,” says Carducci.
Another fail-safe, setting-specific question is, “How do you know the host?”
Don’t Fear Silence
Don’t panic when there’s a lull in the conversation.
“Silences aren’t as long as you think they are,” says Carducci.
“Remember that if you say something, the other person may need to process it.
Think of silence as a transition.”
If you sense the other person is dying to get away, allow them to do so.
Otherwise, take the conversation in a new direction using one of the above tactics.
“Throw something out there and don’t worry about making the transition smooth,” says Carducci.
Try something like: “Kate, this is Jane.
Jane and her husband just moved here from Cincinnati.
Jane is interested in painting and is an artist herself.
Jane, this is Kate.
Kate is the museum’s director of communications.”
Things get tricky when you forget one of the names.
“That person will usually sense you’re at a loss and volunteer their name.”
The second key in invades your personal space.
“I don’t say anything; I just move back,” says Filippini.
“If they get me against a wall, I maneuver around them.”
The third bang out won’t stop talking about themself and hasn’t asked you a single question.
“If someone is that self-centered, exit the conversation gracefully,” says Carducci.
“I need to get some food; I haven’t eaten all day.
I need to talk to a client over there.
I need to meet the speaker.”
Cawley has paged herself to escape a dull party.
Can’t wait to hear about your Hawaii trip after you go!”
Remind yourself that you could’t change a first impression and remain present.
(2020).Why do people avoid talking to strangers?
